Nearly finished!
I have nearly finished my “to do” list for this year!
When I left the clinic at the beginning of this year, I tried to set realistic goals, so I would be able to look back and say that all is better now.
And it seems I am actually going to finish the list with about a month to spare!
Top of the list is of course a job that I feel comfortable in. I am nearly there, but I am holding off on a total celebration of that one for now, although chances are very slim that I won’t get the one I want.
Second is debt. After about a year of struggling to get these sorted with agencies, I am nearly at the point that I can actually start paying them off, so in three years time I should have a clean slate again. That may seem a long time, but there are loads of positive points there. For one, I don’t have to worry about money! Any excess will have to go anyway, so no difficult decisions on what to spend it on. I also have discovered that I can live very comfortably on a severely reduced budget. And of course, there is the good feeling that in three years time I will have “paid my dues”, which is a very Rock and Roll kind of sentiment. Must buy guitar!
I’ve also once again gotten rid of the monster of “wanting to do too much”. A few weeks ago I found myself being severely tired, irritated and with cravings the size of something very big. I took a good look at what might be wrong and found out that I was pushing myself way too hard by working a lot, doing three courses in a week, doing retreats and several other small things.
I’ve since cut down on the courses, focusing on my Zen evenings, which I am becoming to enjoy more and more. We have a good group with good people and I am starting to relax more and more. Groups are never easy for me, but this one feels safe to me.
The retreat at the Nyingma Center was hard. Being in an enclosed space with 40+ people for an extended amount of time really wore me down. At day 4 I almost left, but then one of my fellow workers sat next to me and she seemed as down as I did. We just sat there holding hands and we both got what we needed from that. No explanations, just sitting together in silence. Miracles do tend to happen when you are at the limits. I think that image and feeling is the most precious thing I took from the retreat, so it was worthwhile.
The end of the year is coming up and I am still debating what to do. Of course there are loads of social things possible, but I have never liked them, so I am going to postpone choosing, which has served me well over the years, and end the year in a flurry of last minute decisions. Two things are set in stone though. I am going to visit my mum (if nothing else to fix her computer ;)) and I am going to spend the last few days of the year in (relative) peace and quiet. This means no gatherings of more than four people, which I have found to be my optimum amount of people at any given time.
So, happy and good times.
I wish you the same!
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This entry was posted on Sunday, November 29th, 2009 at 14:09 and is filed under Musings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
